DUM-ASS

I think, therefore I am!

The only thing that I cannot doubt while doubting, is that I am doubting

The dude who said this was called Descartes, RENÉ Descartes.

Descartes is coined as the father of “Modern Philosophy”. He was a French philosopher, physicist and a mathematician (Woah!! ALL at the same time!!) and his ways of thinking and approaching to things were quite different from his predecessors.

He differed in two major aspects:

1) First, he did not focus on the classification of Corporeal substances (substances that occupy space and can be perceived by one or more senses) into matter and form and

2) Second, he does not believe in any appeal to ends – divine or natural – in explaining the natural phenomena.

His claim to fame was cogito ergo sum – I think, therefore I am. His ideology rests upon the assumption that any entity that can think, exists and any entity can think only and only if it exists.

During the 16^th & 17^th centuries, basics of science were being formed with Renaissance, the human beliefs held as concrete so far – were being compelled to be changed and thwarted. Galileo had discovered moon and it was established that “man”, after all is not the centre of the universe and rather, just a very small part of it.

Descartes, a man of science himself, was an ardent follower and believer in Logical, clear and distinct ideas. With all the changes happening in the world, he himself was in a theological thought process on what truth to accept and what to reject. What reality to embrace and what to let go off.

He figured that the only way to solve this is to deconstruct everything he believes so far. Thus begins his methodical process of doubt. He starts to systematically doubt everything around him – the reliability of the five senses, the existence of physical objects, the foundations of science and even, the existence of God himself. He pulls everything apart and tries to understand the whole process of doubting. He even compares his impressions of physical objects as perceived by him to be the impressions created by the “demon” with the sole purpose of distorting those impressions and preventing him (the mankind) from knowing the real stuff.

He compares his beliefs to apples in a basket and in order to separate the rotten ones from the good ones, the only way is to empty the basket and examine each apple individually and rejecting the bad ones thereafter. In other words, the motive was to keep only those beliefs that were free from being dubitable.

To begin with, our friend doubted his OWN existence! Geez!

He meant to imply that he exists as a set of limbs and body parts by the virtue of his five senses which thus perceive his existence. But is this true? What if his senses were also misleading in their perception? He cast a doubt on the mere reliability of his senses. By doubting his own existence, he wanted to find a reason to establish his existence as an entity. While doubting he realized that there was only one thing that he could not doubt and that was… wait, hang on – the DOUBT itself!!

That was it! His eureka moment! And it was true… well almost true. The guy could not doubt the fact that while doing this whole doubting ‘thing’, he could not doubt the fact that he was doubting!

Since, “doubting” was a thinking process, and whilst doubting it was obvious that he was “thinking”. Now, let’s believe it, you cannot really think unless you exist in the first place! By establishing that he can “think”, Descartes concluded that he exists!

And came the famous Oscar winning line “I think, therefore, I am!”

The problem with the above inference is that somewhere down the line, this gentleman has forgot to “prove” his “taken for granted” presupposition that anything that thinks, exists! He gives no proof that why his premise is true. The inference is indeed syllogistic.

Next, he went on to explain the concept of “Dualism”. He emphasized that mind and body are two different entities. While mind exists in its non-physical form, it is the body which exists in its corporeal form. He identified mind as self aware and conscious and the brain as the seat of this intelligence. In his illustrations, he tried to depict that our perception of the world was nothing but a result of inputs that were passed on by our sensory organs to the pineal gland in the brain, which then passes it to the immaterial spirit. He believed that the connection between the mind and body takes place in the pineal gland and that the two share a causal relationship.

Hey! But last I checked, dualism = being distinct or separate and causal = some connection! Wtf? How can dualism then deal with causality? There are several controversies to this one!

Establishing God’s existence

This one’s easy!

A) If god exists – he is “perfect”

B) But, we are imperfect and finite beings

C) Yet we have impressions of “perfection” and “infinity”

D) But how can “imperfect” and “finite” beings have an impression of a “perfection” or “infinity”?

Hence, it must be God himself who created an impression of the “perfection”. Therefore he exists.

Next, he refutes his idea of “evil deceiver”

A) Evil Demon deceives us from true impressions

B) Deceit and fraud arise from defects

C) But since God exists (from above) and he is “Perfect”, he is a “good” God and no deceiver.

He said:

“…because I cannot conceive God unless as existing, it follows that existence is inseparable from him, and therefore that he really exists: not that this is brought about by my thought, or that it imposes any necessity on things, but, on the contrary, the necessity which lies in the thing itself, that is, the necessity of the existence of God, determines me to think in this way: for it is not in my power to conceive a God without existence, that is, a being supremely perfect, and yet devoid of an absolute perfection, as I am free to imagine a horse with or without wings."

Descartes, Meditation 10

The above implies a “Circular Reference”. On one hand he says that his perfect impressions are a result of existence of the God, while at the same time he accepts that God exists because of the existence of our impression of the perfection. The premise of former is the conclusion of latter and the conclusion of the latter forms the premise of former. We cannot believe in something that “does not” exist. Thus if we believe God exists, he exists! (funny, eh??? I know!)

Establishing World’s existence

Having established his own as well as God’s existence, he proceeds.

A) I think, therefore I am (or I exist)

B) We form impressions of the outside world through our senses and say that world exists

C) And, these senses could be deceived by evil demon

D) But we just established that God exists and he is a “good” God who does not deceive

E) Therefore, our impressions that world exists are true and hence, the world exists

His ENITRE thing is ONE BIG CIRCLE!

Come on, you cannot base everything on that, now can you???

Allegory of the Cave

Plato was a Greek philosopher who was a devoted follower of Socrates and a mentor to Aristotle. Together they are credited to be the founders of the Western Philosophy.

Although the modern academia and scholarship doubts the authenticity of few of the dialogues and letters written by him, yet, at least 35 dialogues and 13 letters have been known to be ascribed to this guy. However, with a few exceptions (for E.g. Apology), Plato never presents himself as a participant in most of his dialogues. Some of his dialogues are seen as a pure dramatic form (Hindi Movie types), with little or no narration (for E.g. Meno, Creto, Gorgias, Euthyphro, Phaedrus) while most of his works are presented as dialogues narrated by Socrates (for E.g. Republic, Lysis, Charmides). Then there are others where he uses a combination of both and still others where the narrators happen to be Socratic disciples like Apollodorus (for E.g Theaetetus).

Plato was an ardent follower of Socrates and his (Socrates’) trial is a central unifying event in most of the Platonic dialogues – primarily in the Apology. I feel that reading the Apology is quite important as only after this one understands Plato’s obsession for Socratic Ideas.

The speech that Socrates gave was actually quite moving! I liked this one punch line –

“My trial will be like a doctor prosecuted by a cook who asks a jury of children to choose between the doctor's bitter medicine and the cook's tasty treats”

Woah!! Bloody smart. It is as if he knew that those guys have rigged his case already. But what was his crime? First, that he was a busybody, and a curious person who made inquiries into the earth and sky (in plain words, he was called a bigmouth who tried to act too smart for his face and who had a habit of snooping around and putting his nose where it did not belong!) Second, that he was guilty of corrupting the young and of worshipping supernatural things of his own invention instead of the gods recognized by the State. Now that is very naïve and stupid, hey not that he was screwing around and teaching them how to roll-up hash joints, do coke and adopt a frivolous lifestyle!! Damn it! He was only trying to teach all the good stuff that included enlightenment by acceptance of unconscious in-competiveness and unconscious ignorance!! His idea was to argue the meaning of justice, love, etc. His emphasis was on how to lead a good life and how morality is determined. According to him “The unexamined life is not worth living”. He believed that only by questioning can one come to know about something. Ignorance should be the motto of questioning. According to him we come to know that we don’t know in moments of curiosity and perplexity. He argued that knowledge is not empirical, and it comes from divine insight. He even compares seeking knowledge as being erotic. He also investigated the nature of Virtue and maintained that knowledge and virtue are so closely related that no human ever knowingly chooses evil: improper conduct is a product of ignorance rather than weakness of the will.

Another one of his punch lines - “I know that I DON’T know and I accept it guys, seriously!” (Nice!)

Okay enough of Socrates, coming back to Plato.

Now Plato was not much different. He was also kinda snoopy but he was neat in not getting killed by execution. He kinda played it safe and put everything starting with “Socrates said…” This was a smart move. Now nobody could blame him, the “wasn’t me” attitude! Kidding! Nah… he respected Socrates so much that he wanted to keep him alive through his dialogues.

He conceptualizes the activity of philosophizing through his amazing works and dialogues. In his very famous Allegory of the Cave, he tries to explain how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall are not constitutive of reality at all, as he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the mere shadows seen by the prisoners.

The Allegory of the Cave

Okay now, imagine there is a dark cave. In this cave there are prisoners who are tied whilst facing one of the blank walls of the cave, and, they have been like this all their lives. Chained and held immobile since childhood: not only are their arms and legs held in place, but their heads are also fixed, compelled to gaze at a wall in front of them. Behind them is an enormous fire (like the one we make during the evenings when we go on overnight camping expeditions and drink and dance around it!).

Here’s the thing, in between the fire and these guys is a raised walkway, along which people walk carrying things on their heads "including figures of men and animals made of wood, stone and other materials". The prisoners can only watch the shadows cast by the men, not knowing they are shadows. There are also echoes off the wall from the noise produced from the walkway. People use this trail on an everyday basis to mind their daily chores. No, they don’t really care much about those prisoner guys, they just use this common conduit to pass through the cave and carry on with their daily dogmatic schedules minding their cattle and business. In short they play ignorant to those prisoners.

It would be quite understandable if the captives take the shadows to be real things and the echoes to be real sounds, and not just reflections of the actual people and reality. Since these shadows are all they have ever seen or heard or even, grown up with, wouldn't they praise as clever whoever could best guess which shadow would come next, as someone who understood the nature of the world? And wouldn't the whole of their society depend on the shadows on the wall?

After all the wall is all they have for a TV!!

A Twist!

Now imagine if one of the inmates is deemed to have been released. Moreover, what if after his release, someone was to show him the actual truth. The reality of the fact that his life is not merely constricted to that of the cave’s, and that it is actually the fire that is playing tricks, casting shadows, which incidentally constituted the “world” and “life” for him and his fellow inmates.

The released prisoner might not believe all that and may even want to run back to his guys. He may not even recognize any real thing for what it is and would not be able to name it. He might still be happy living in the world of those shadows calling for E.g the shadow of a man more real than the actual man himself! He might also be blinded by the fire and may even wish to go back to the world of shdows!

Second Twist!!

Suppose this guy was forcibly dragged OUT of the cave by someone. Wouldn’t he be upset and angry on the one doing this to him? And if dragged all the way out of the cave, wouldn’t he be confused and distressed to learn that all he had learned and lived through his life so far is nothing but just a “shadow”, an “illusion”? Once out of the cave, he would see the Sun – the giver of life itself, the source of seasons, years, everything! He would see the cave itself, where he spent his entire life and considering THAT to be his universe! However, following an initial discomfort, he would get used to all the euphoria. And after becoming acclimatized to the new environment and the sun, would he not feel privileged for him self and pitiful for his fellow inmates who are still imprisoned? After all, now he knows the real “reality” that is not limited to shadows and is much beyond that! Would he not be condescending to all the praises and recognitions given to the “one who guessed which shadow came next?”

Third Twist!!!

What if he was supposed to go back to his guys? Would his guys understand his stories from “outside” of the cave? Moreover, now not being adept at the “guess-which-shadow-next-game” would he be able to play that game at all??? Would the inmates even UNDERSTAND him?? Probably, they would just disregard his stories to be phony and his claims of a NEW and OUTSIDE world to be ridiculous!

Thats the Video of the above Story

Critique

Our life as we see it is nothing but a correlation to Plato’s Theory of Forms. He asserts that non-material abstracts but substantial forms or ideas and not the material world of change known to us through our senses possess the highest and most fundamental kind of reality. Plato says that these Forms are the only true objects of study that can provide us with genuine knowledge. The enlightened one is someone who has deciphered the ultimate reality. Such a person, when goes back to his people is often the object of ridicule and scorn.

The enlightened one is someone who has attained the clarification of the TRUE form and does not consider the reflections and shadows as REALITY. To be able to philosophise is to be able to able to recognise the forms. A philosopher is someone who has been freed of the cave and has left the realm of the shadow world and entered into the really REAL world. In The Metaphor of the Sun Plato uses the sun as a symbol for the source of "enlightenment", arguably intellectual enlightenment. The metaphor is about the nature of ultimate reality and how we come to know of it beyond our senses.

Just because something is not “graspable” or cannot be experienced with our senses, deos not make it any less real than what it already is. On the contrary, it is those “so called real” objects that we suppose to be “real” are actually mere shadows and illusions.

His idea of reality being unavailable to those who use their senses to look for it, is something that differentiates him from the common man, rather – the common sense. In his Theory of the Divided Line, he attempts to clarify this. This followed by The Metaphor of the Sun which in turn is succeeded by the Allegory of the Cave form the clarity surrounding Plato’s idea of Knowledge of the Forms.

The stuff above is not my own, although it might have my words, but essentially the info is from a variety of sources all over the world wide web. (for E.g. Wikipedia)

Letter to god: Unfinished business...

Dear god,

I am sorry for not being in touch with you lately. As you already know, things on this planet have turned from bad to worse.

When I first came here more than 29 years back, the times were different and the people were good. Submerged with unnatural and superficial gains, the inhabitants of this planet seem to have lost their characteristics amidst their inconsequential trysts with their very conciousness that is now flexible, artificial and devoid of any real integration.

My mission to encompass centuries of knowledge with the empirical learning from earth now faces extinction. Lost in the light of ignorance, I seem to be blissfully unaware of what awaits me and my fate. A very earthly word, fate, seems to have caught on to my daily vocabulary. I use it all the time. I refer to ignorance as light because it is everywhere, and more often than not, it is blinding! After all living in the land of mortals has cast its delirious effects on my individuality and persona. I have started to live like them and have also begun to experience shades of grey, collecting and beginning to understand their psychology and philosophy that is nothing but a reflection of their lack of understanding of the truth and the virtual reality.

Quite interestingly, I have to admit that nothing is lost as of now. This Sunday I went to the Church, presuming I shall find you there, and I did. But I guess there were too many men and women and I think my dissidence prevented me from coming forward to approach you. Your favourite book was actively referred to and various biblical references were being linked and knotted with the life in an average earth day. I am sure you must be happy to see so many people trying to be good! At least I was.

While walking back, Jacob, one of my friends on this planet, narrated me the story of good and evil and how Satan defied your power and separated from the heavens. He also told me how you had left the humans free to make choices to distinguish good from evil. My only contention is, why do you not give them a wee bit more clarity in terms of their objective of existence? It would be great if each of them was somewhat clear in what he or she has to do in his or her menial seven to eight decades of existence on this planet. As of now, they seem to be lost!

Arguably, you are too busy minding your own stuff and do not have ample time to do all of it all by yourself. Nevertheless, this unfinished business of yours seems to be affecting me in a rather adverse manner. I would presume you would know that by now. Why do you not hire extra help? I mean, we have your people down here as well, but most of them are not even close to doing a very good job. I think you need to empower each individual with the same power that you possess, the power of distinguishing good from bad! Give them the focus if not anything else

I must bring it to your notice that if the current scenario continues any longer, I am afraid, all shall be lost and we would be in a rather unchangeable position.

I request that you treat this as urgent.

Hoping to hear from you soon

Warm Regards

Manish

"sometimes it is the same difference"

Things I think I should do

...I would say that in a scenario where one wants to do something and somehow, has been unable to do it, there a two things one can do - Quit or Stay!

People all over this planet are equally divided between the two options.

But since I am someone from outside, I believe somewhat differently. What if "Stay" as an option is exercised for a limited time and then once you have got what you wanted, you decide to call it quits, just in time?

This way you shall do what you wanted to and you also get a chance to catch the bus you would have missed had you decided to stay permanently.

They say life sucks. I agree it does. But it depends on you as a person, what you want your life to suck from you. My life sucks too... but I let it suck what I WANT it to suck.

In a past, not very long ago, when I was working with the DIC, a central headquarters dealing with classified information processing and dealing with cases involving broken trees in the middle of deserts, soiled bedsheets, dirty linen and deflated tractor-tyres, I often came across scenarios where I had to deal with a number of unfinished cases that not only changed me but also taught me the essence of being a true Zakjeturian. People on this planet are almost always caught up in trivial issues and thus fail to concentrate on their prime objective. Thus, when the time comes to deliver, they resort to old techniques like giving a 50% discount or at times even deliver for free (Source: Doneemo's Pizza)

With less than seven days left for project completion, my mind was was still caught up with things like a change of my job, my third divorce, graduation of my 13th kid, the "I" button that was missing on my laptop keyboard and of course, few other things that I cannot discuss and those that are worse than my missing "L" button, sorry... "I" button. The scope creep had set in and I knew that process design was directly related to the design of product and/or service/its service.

"Anyway - I just wanna say, why bother with what happened yesterday... it's not my style I live for the minute, if ya wanna stay young get both feet in it..."

Sorry for that... just something I was listening to while writing right here right now.

So I was saying... discovering the scope creep, I decided to adopt an approach that got me what I wanted to get. But with that, it got me a lotta other things I did not quite like. But that was a trade-off I had to make to achieve what I had set out to. Of course, I made mistakes... BIG ones (Aerosmith). There I was dancing in the dark after achieving what I had set out to.

But at what cost?

My "I" button is still broken!

But as Piyush said on his FB status, Good judgement comes from experience and a lotta of which come from bad judgements...

...I think I am very well experienced!

Excuse me now, I need to go and mend my "L" button... sorry again I mean "I" button!

(Its amazing that I can write complete nonsense at times!)

THAT DAY, A LOT HAPPENED OVER A COFFEE!

“Tell me if I am wrong, but is it true that you spend only two hours – out of a total of 9 hours of a typical work-day of yours – doing actual “cooking”, as I would call it to be…?”

“No… no… not at all, I work almost 11 hours in a day and…”

“Err… I am sorry to interrupt you but it was only an hour ago when you narrated your workflow and it was quite evident that besides an hour and a half full of meetings, two hours of pick-up-counter duty, one hour of staff-training and about one hour of food and beverage inventory process, you are left with only three to four hours of “actual” time – as per your words, those exact words I happened to jot in my diary as YOU exactly described YOUR typical workday to me – in which you can possibly do something “creative” or be “hands-on”! Is it correct, Babush?”

Babush was biting his lower lip and apparently, he did not have an answer.

“But sir, all that… that is equally important for… arrr arrr… OUR operation and not only does it increase our productivity, but it also helps us in our o…o… own personal development!” he was muttering and stammering for some reason and DK did not seem to be too impressed! Nevertheless, I guess, this was the best that Babush could do… However, DK did not fail to admire the enthusiasm with which this young - 23 or something years old – short man was trying to sell himself to claim a trivial job such as the one, DK was willing to offer!

In addition to that, DK also noticed in this person, genuineness, something he perceived to be relatively atypical in the youth of today. DK had been in the trade for a little less than 15 years now and he knew what he wanted from an ideal candidate and although he did not “not” trust the 20 year-olds currently flocking on the job portals all over the internet, he had learnt his lessons well after falling quite a few number of times.

“Look Babush, I am not debating the usefulness of the processes that your organization applies, I am only trying to find a slot that is shaped exactly and made only for you. After all, I would never try to fit a square peg in a circular slot or vice versa”

DK did have a point there!

A point that Babush was however, refusing to understand. He needed that job. After three months of blindly applying on the portals, and not getting any response, DK was his only hope left… Nonetheless, something was keeping Babush motivated, something, that was not allowing him to give up convincing DK that he was the right person for the vacancy that DK needed to fill urgently! Notwithstanding the fact that the decision was DK’s and not his, Babush was persistent… and yet, very polite in his approach and for a moment there, he did succeed to impress DK, who now, rather than causes to rebuff him, was considering reasons to select this fair plump gentleman from Garhwal…

“…Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint, Word… etc. etc. umm… well…”

DK needed more than the man’s enthusiasm and genuineness to select him and with a view to find that “something more”, he was scanning Babush’s CV. But how and from where do so many Garhwali’s become experts in the art of operating the Tandoor? Where is their school, if at all there is one? DK’s boss had once told him, when DK was still a trainee, that the people inhabiting the higher reaches of the mountains had more muscle power in their limbs and since to operate the charcoal fired Indian clay oven was a very strenuous job, people from Garhwal – a place located 5000 meters above sea level – were best suited for it! But DK was not from the mountains. He had lived his life on the plains and the highest he had gone was only to Hyderabad, which happened to be rather a plateau and was definitely not 5000 meters high; in fact it was a city that had hot summers and cold winters, a characteristic pertaining to that of the plains. Then why is it called the “Deccan Plateau” of the Indian Sub-continent? His geography had always been very weak and even the answer to such basic questions, however, still seemed to perplex him at times. But his lack of geographic skills did not make him less of a chef than what he was; in spite of not being from the mountains, he was really good at handling the Tandoor when he was in the prime of his youth and as a matter of fact, he was really good at his work. Although he did not really do the “cooking” anymore, as he described his job to those he met for the first time, he did have his head firmly placed on his shoulders and knew the basics of his job, something that was far more important for him to know, rather than his technical know-how about the topography of the Indian Sub-continent was.

While he continued to read Babush’s CV with eyes on the paper and his glasses resting on the small parrot’s-beak-like protrusion on his nose, DK could observe the tension build up slowly but steadily, on Babush’s face. He could sense that Babush was a wee bit uncomfortable now and that the only way to relieve him of his tensions was to break the ice, before once again, he witnesses another man break down and start to cry in his presence.

“Tell me Babush, why does a handsome guy like you spend 11-12 hours working in a  kitchen? I mean, I am sure you do have a girlfriend, or someone you look forward to meet up with in your free time or on your offs?” he asked, while taking off his glasses from his crooked nose and keeping them table, as he carefully avoided the few drops of coffee that by now had dried to resemble stains caused by turmeric. DK always considered TT’s a better place to have a coffee, however, since he was the Recruitment-Head for the Coffee-by-the-Day, he had little choice, but to live with the small glitches that he more often than not, conveniently ignored. Moreover, he patronizing the competition of his company would surely NOT bring him accolades if anything else!

“Just a second…” he interrupted Babush before even he could give an answer to this rather unexpected question that DK had asked him.

“Masci… can you please clean my table” he could not ignore the stains on the cream-colored surface of the table, anymore than he already had.

Masci was prompt to adhere to the order of his Vice-President and as efficient as he was, Mascarehnas Daniel Taskkus, fondly called “Masci” by his known-ones and his kinsmen, was the oldest working employee of this small Coffee Shop that could seat only 58 people at one time. At a place where monthly staff turnover exceeded fifty percent, the Coffee-by-the-Day, at the MGF Metropolitan Mall, had him employed for his excellent services for more than seven months now. And THAT was the longest that any employee had worked since its opening, about three years back. DK knew this and he also knew, how to value his resources…

“Masci is one of the very good people we have in our company at present. But he is not half as good as the kind of a playboy he is for his uncountable girlfriends!” DK had a smile on his face when he made that remark and he made sure he was not very loud, yet loud enough for Masci to hear it.

Masci smiled cautiously – with a smile that was wide enough and almost appeared to reach till his ears – lifted his head as he paused wiping the table for a moment and looked at his Vice President, who was reflecting a sparkle in his eyes, wearing a well lit smile himself. DK always did this to his staff and took good care of them. He had a penchant to be nice to them and almost always, his little remarks, like the one he made right now for Masci, did bring a sense of achievement amongst his people, whenever he addressed them with his the natural fondness that he possessed for each of them. Masci was proud to be known so closely by a person of such a high position as that of DK’s and more than that it gave him an enough boost to his self esteem to understand and to be aware of the fact that an important person such as DK calls him with the name his near and dear ones call him with – Masci.

“I live alone, sir” Babush replied, shyly.

“Oh come awn! Babush, you really are a womanizer! Tell me that is not true!”

“No sir, it certainly isn’t”

“Well it is alright, if you do not wish to reveal… but I am sure, you are lying!”

“I am not sir…”

“Yes you are” and when he said that, he could see that Babush’s fair flabby face was almost red by now!

“Hehehe… anyways, forget that, tell me, how many brothers and sisters you have”

“Sir, I have only one sister and she is married”

“Okay and who else is in your family, your mom, dad… what do they do?”

“My mom passed away when I was seven and my father lives with me in Gurgaon”

“Oh… I am so sorry”

“Not at all sir, she was suffering from renal failure and my father tells me that it was good that she died. I think she was too ill, to live anymore…”

“Hmmm… I actually agree with you…”

“Sir, I have been working on the Tandoor since three years now and I know how to make a lot of things such as Tandoori Chicken, Chicken Tikka, Kebab Sultani, Tandoori Fish, Naan, Roti…”

“Babush… Babush… I do NOT doubt your credentials and nor am I undermining your talent, however, I need a person who can manage a kitchen and does not need to BE managed by anyone, himself! We are introducing “Indian Snacks” in the Menu of this Coffee Shop and I need someone, who more than a chef, is a better manager. Besides, one cannot judge someone’s expertise by the time he or she has spent working somewhere. Honestly, you need to impress me further to prove to me that you would turn out to be just the manager I am looking to hire”

“Masci!” Babush called.

“Yes sir?”

“Can I ask you a couple of questions?”

“Please… sir, anything, absolutely…”

“How much do you do in a day?”

“On weekends we touch about sixty thousand and on weekdays like the Monday today, we rarely cross twenty”

“It must be very busy and full of rush on Saturdays and Sundays?”

“Yes sir… we do not even get time to ready the tables for the waiting guests and sometimes, they sit on un-cleared tables that still need to be cleared! But we cannot do much, the guests are very determined and do not even bestow us those two minutes we need to clear the tables! But it is good fun… we enjoy it!”

DK knew Babush was reaching at something. Momentarily, he wanted to break off Babush’s conversation and give his own inputs instead, but he voted against doing so.

“And I have learnt that you are one of the oldest here… is it not?” Babush continued

“Yes… it has been about seven months or so”

“…and I have been made to learn that you are really good at your work…” Babush smiled while making that complement

“Thank You sir, but I just do my job” Masci, as gracious as he was, every time, with everyone, never fell short to be humble.

“But I have to confess that you are not doing it very well, I mean, your job… you are not doing your job really very well!”

This time Babush did not wear a smile, did not stammer and almost instantly, saw the expressions of the two people who were closest around him at that moment, shrink to be minimal. There was no beam, none on anyone’s face. DK, otherwise the omniscient, also did not see this comment coming from anywhere, least of all, not from Babush!!! What did he mean by that? What right did Babush have to humiliate one of HIS own boys? Such audacity, such impudence…  The victim, Masci, was also taken aback! Although DK wanted to intrude again, instead once more, he rather chose to wait for a little more than a while…

“Masci, I only wish to know that while cleaning those few coffee stains on the side where sir is sitting, did you not spot this side of the table that probably, could also have had the pleasure to be in contact with a damp sponge?”

Now, almost all eyes were staring at the table, almost all eyes… except Babush’s.

“Just a second, sir”

Masci almost rushed to fetch the sponge, one that is designed very exquisitely and  specifically for the use of “elite” Coffee Shops, one that is about four inches long, half as much wide with about half an inch of thickness, and the one that soaks up as much water as a cloth three times its size can. A couple of seconds after that, Masci was attacking a two millimeters think, about five centimeters long, thin yellow line that appeared to join Babush’s saucer with the left hand extreme edge of the table.

And at this instance, DK smiled…

“Babush, your shift starts at seven in the morning, finishes at four, you have an hour long lunch break, your meals are on the house and… you start from the tenth, no wait, eighth… which happens to be a Monday, next week! In short, you’re hired”

Almost simultaneously, they heard…

“Yes Sir!” Masci responded to the table seated a few table away – as he neatly collected their empty cups, arranged the saucers, wiped the table once more, and rushed, carrying the now heavy salver.

“Be with you in a second” and just as he said – while pausing for a second next to that table – so did his face lit up yet once again, with his beaming smile, as it did every time, when a guest called on for him!

PS: TWO years later

Babush is still employed with Coffee-by-the-Day Inc. and is now working to the capacity of an Area Chef-Gurgaon and now has three Coffee Shops under him... also, the new ”Tandoori” dishes that he introduced were a big hit!

DK still recruits for the Chain but now quite often, sits at the TT’s, the closest competitor, but gives “Competition-Analysis” as an excuse to justify his action!! DK and I do cross our ways once a month or so… it is always a pleasure to meet him!

 

Masci quit five months after Babush joined, but did make a Record of ONE YEAR of employment at the Coffee-by-the-Day Inc., the LONGEST ever in the CHAIN of thirty Coffee Shops all over India, however, he is now working with the TT’s. DK still likes him and only last week offered Masci a position of an Assistant-Manager and asked him to join back Coffee-by-the-Day Inc.!

 

Masci is thinking about the offer… I think he shall concede! ^©®

 

Downpour versus Aridity

That day, it rained…

Seeping through the parched and eager land, the weak but a steady flow, wiped the arid region of its scorches and left behind absolutely NO trace of any dehydration! But little did I know that this sudden downpour was only artificial and in a while, the condition shall be as worse as it was before.

However, now was not the time to brood and feel sorry…

There were things to be done… Places to be gone to… People to be met… Commitments to be fulfilled… Goals to be achieved… and there was so much to be completed!!!

Yet, my river of dreams was only the result of a shallow deluge that had already found its delta and was ready to be decanted into the never ending sea of emptiness… Furthermore, watching my hopes shatter as a brandy balloon’s smash to the smithereens, was an experience I was not really prepared to endure! But quenching my animosity, I did thrive in achieving what I had started to beget during my initial course of action! I was unified now…

The ageless life of poetry and drama has given us enough words to last for eternity and the usage of these words is best exemplified in the classics and the works of all the laureate’s’ and honorable’s’. At this point I would be urged to quote this from Les-Miserables---

“ To love someone is to see the face of God ,,

 Individually for myself, I rarely read… Although I have always wished that I could. Nonetheless, that does not stop me from appreciating the Cameron Mackintosh/Royal Shakespeare Company production, Les Miserables – the musical. It demands a lot of effort to produce a masterpiece that has played over 9000 performances in London and has been seen by 54 million people worldwide in 249 cities and in 21 different languages. Running since October 1^st, 1985, Les Miserables became the “Longest Running Musical on October 6^th, 2006 and as of today, it has been around since TWENTY THREE years!

Well for a moment there, I was almost in belief that good things do not last long! I guess Les Miserables is an exception.

The torrential downpours that have started these days, might just last forever!

And this makes me wonder… just as I waited for the dryness to end, in the near future, so would I wait for the showers to stop and parchedness to come, back again??? 

I guess I do not know what I want from life and Les Miserables' Jean Valjean below, agrees with me!

500 Miles

...there's somethin' for everyone in it!!! 

Observe the reaction of all the cute ladies... they appear to be mesmerized and intoxicated with the aura that this song generates! And it is commendable that the whole bloody crowd gets carried with the flow and sings it in chorus, alongwith the Brothers!

A MUST RECOMMENDATION for everyone... miss this one and you've missed it all!!!

Story of M & N

||| Pulse Date 2Mu^&444||| XIII 0 6 0|||AM’s Personal LOG|||

While continuing my escapades with this strange but an extraordinary planet, I once came across the two most bizarre, yet impressive beings. I named them M & N...

“And he’s gonna honk at the count of three! One, Two…”

“HAAAoNNNKKK!!!!!!!!!!!”

“…three!”

Her forecast was correct! He did honk, and not once, but several times! My interpretation to this inexplicable behavior indicated his desire to communicate. This “Honk” is an expression to converse while being positioned in two distinguishable wheeled-vessels (called “cars”) when each of those vessels has its shields off. Nonetheless, in other circumstances humans use a “Dipper” which is a program of flashlights emitted from their respective vessels, and, is often utilized for the same purpose.

However, maintaining contact is easier when these individuals employ the use of an ancient technology called as a “Cell Phone” and “Call-Up” the entity, with whom, a contact needs to be established. But, doing so simultaneously while operating the navigation-controls of the “Car” may invite a compulsive-halt and an unexplained exchange of what they call “money”, by a fellow individual wearing a funny uniform of some sort!

Therefore, they honk!

But that did not explain M’s “Honk” and N’s prophecy (that M will Honk). 

We reached a Red Light (That signals the humans to halt their vehicles for a limited period of time, in order to maintain travel equilibrium) in the next 1002890650 Boutaskial Units (10 earth minutes) , I observed N halt her liner very carefully behind M’s.

“…and now watch him as he reverses his Car on mine” (she grinned when she said that!)

In a few Boutaskials, I could observe M’s vessel approaching toward ours on a reverse course… 

“Prepare for collision! Shields UP!, Radasco torpedoes armed, quantify the suspected damage…. and…” is what I would have shouted. But I was quiet, and no more the Commanding Officer of Di Ǿθέ, I was only tryin’ to weigh up the available options to avoid this collision. However, N did not seem to be perturbed at all and was still smiling.

“He does this every time! Scares me with his impish stunts and all”

And I could see she was right, when M’s vessel halted - after N gave him a “Honk” - carefully avoiding the collision that was set on course! 

During this voyage, my experience of these life forms enabled me to theorize a possibility of an emotional upsurge called as the “Mischief” that occurs on various instances, but is incidentally at a higher rate during an interaction between particular individuals deemed to hold some kind of a relation with one another. And N & M DID have a relation! They Loved each other… and preferred to be in contact with one another at all instances. 

In my previous accounts, I have described a lot about “Love” and have even explained the phenomenon Here. 

But this… this was different!

M and N were indeed in “Love” with each other. I cannot, but fail to analyze the origin and the nascence of the scenario, particularly putting it in the words of an Organo-Human, “they looked really very nice together”. The readings on my Deciphier indicated emissions of the presence of ONLY ONE life form in these two distinct entities and their complex intricate and diverse behaviors seemed to be radiating affection for the other individual. Also, their Class-Ж Hyqriosentiafic behavior never did cease to impress me during my entire contact with them! 

M knew N’s penchants and N knew M’s. Their repulses were also shared by them and must I commend, they were proficient in keepin’ them away! 

I presume that my trek of this part of the galaxy is nearing completion and I hope to unite very soon, but before I go, I would seek the permission to explore more about the fond beings of this planet and also, complete my hypothesis on their existence and their purpose of continuation. 

M & N’s existence has been defined in their relation and before ending this log I would say, as the humans would say, “I wish M & N all the very best” and expect them to continue exploring “Mischief” and “Love” forever… 

Unfortunately, I am no more equipped to “Love” anyone and shall never be able to do so... 

    ”
||| Pulse Date 2Mu^&444||| XIII 0 6 4|||AM’s Personal LOG|||

PS: THIS IS NOT MY LIFE's STORY... RATHER REFERS TO THAT OF MY TWO VERY DEAR FRIENDS... PLEASE DO NOT DRAW CONCLUSIONS... :-) ESPECIALLY ON PHONE!

©®

*THIS PAGE IS COPYRIGHT OF ASANI PRODUCTIONS    NOT TO BE REPLICATED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT AUTHOR'S PRIOR CONSENT

I know I am Wrong, but who cares!

People often ask me the question that why I am... the way I am???

The easiest answer shall be best explained in circumstances that should definitely not be equipped to create a scenario wherein I and my thought processes would be alien to accept the fact that undeniably “I” am someone who does not believe in the cliché…

One should understand that the essence of the juice is whether it was worth the squeeze!

Putting things lightly and understandably is not what I do not do… However, simultaneously, I do expect my peers to have the ability to identify and dwell deep into the nitty-gritty’s of each aspect of a relation that would in turn, give them a remarkable score of a lower incidence of failure in comprehending the same in the not-so-near or a completely distant future. Because our lives are inter-woven with the same threads, the tensile strength for each one of us is more or less, the same. The only difference being the number of inter-woven threads. The more the better!

I once had a friend who had recently come to terms with life after he lost his girlfriend due to the result of trysting convolutions in their relationship, occurring quite repeatedly. He always had a very straight-faced approach to put forward his viewpoint and this attribute of his won him many accolades in his professional career of a Sales & Marketing Executive.

It was simple. He would go to people, wait outside their offices for half an hour or sometimes, one and a half hours (before he got an appointment), and sell those people whatever he had come to sell! Because he was to straightforward (due to contingencies of his job!) there was little that he could not accomplish! So much so that, even his defeat was accomplished in the easiest of the ways…!!!

Coming back to my point, I would wish to incarcerate the dogma that we as individuals need everything on the face (be it a slap???) Putting words in a black ‘n’ white screen resolution leaves no scope for any font colors to be induced. However, I presume my folks and people next to my kin know that I have always liked colored films more than the black ‘n’ white ones! A wee bit of ambiguity, a pull-off jus’ before the climax (I mean the script!!! YOU dirty F**kers!!!), and a placing-back-the-cover when almost finished is what is arousing… for me at least!

‘Coz in my opinion, a lil’ bit of guess-work always works! Notwithstanding the fact that it also gives rise to misunderstandings galore, I would always vote for a lil’ ambiguity than an open secret!

I know I am wrong!

But who cares!!

Galway Girl

Please forgive my cracking voice... had a bad cold when recorded this one... Also, if you find another piece of music playin' apart from me crooning, please Click Here to go and "STOP" the Music!

Love is Overrated!

I sure have seen people in love!

And it is not good…

Well, I think love is a luxury that a few opulent can afford. We all have grown up watchin’ films and more often than not, one does come across a few Romantic ones. Although guys prefer Action flicks, I beg to diverge from it. I mean not from the “being-a-guy-part”, but with the fact that I like to trip on Romantic ones, occasionally. Not because they are mushy, but because I find them to be funny! I almost fall off from my bed laughin’ the guts outta my belly when I see one of ‘em in tears!!! Okay, now I am not sadistic, but that is how I have become over the years. I have had my share of blues with one of ‘em but now since a very long time, in spite of tryin’ to achieve benevolence while watchin’ anyone go through one of those rough times, I cannot but help myself, but feel sorry for the loser!!!

In my opinion, “love” is overrated. It is glorified to be somethin’ it is really not and shall never be. Most of us spend days, months, years lookin’ for the “perfect” partner and not less frequently, hopin’ that everythin’ would turn out jus’ another “Walk in Clouds”! And for some, it does too. But at times it doesn’t. These individuals, although they never give up on love, they do tend to become flexible, while developing a proclivity towards acceptance. Notwithstanding the fact that they also fall in love, they prepare themselves for what they NOW approve to be the BEST for them!

To exemplify the flip side, we would now concentrate on the former segment, that consists of those who havin’ found the “Love” for their life; have already taken the plunge into the tepid sea of warmth and ultimate gratification and are now completely oblivious to the world and its citizens! These people are those who proliferate & propagate the concept of “Love” and live in a make-believe world where everythin’ is jus’ fine and all is hunky-dory. Now, why would I term it a “make-believe” world???

To epitomize and embody this, I would like to pose only ONE question to all the aficionados and also attempt to answer it…

Where does this journey of Love end???

“With OUR death”, someone, sittin’ a table away from me, spat these words directing them not towards me but to the person sitting opposite to him. But I had got my answer.

Although these three words “with-our-death” must have been a part of their conversation on some arbitrary topic, their steep sound was so convictive that it startled me for a second; makin’ me wonder whether the guy blurted out these three words only to make me hear ‘em OR was I thinkin’ out too loud that now even my thoughts could be overheard by people sittin’ at a distance of five feet from me!!!

Well, lifting my hand and not my head by one inch, I waved it in the air, gesturing a “Thank You for your input” and continued typing on my notebook. As if embarrassed and caught red handed, I quickly scanned both, my left and my right hand sides, to figure out, if there was any one else who had his ears connected to my brains and was hearin’ my thoughts too!

Ending the journey of “Love”… with statements like “Death do us part” and few Shakespearean ethos, is a good way to prove a point, but not to epitomize it. Oh… come awn! A guy sittin’ with his girl on a candle-light dinner cannot think of anything else but his “future course of action” and “how-would-he-impress-her-next” (besides thinkin’ ya know… the usual, ahem… psssss “guy stuff”)!!! And the girl… the girl cannot think anything except her “future-with-this-guy” (and the definition of future can vary). It is simple to generalize. And trust me, this hold true ninety percent of the times for ninety percent of the people who have ever gone out with a girl (they are not married to!!!)

I think we need to get real and stop considering the ideology that our life is no less than what we see on screens! This “Love” is really very fragile; it breaks-up at even the touch of the most delicate of the feathers. Such inexplicable is the degree of its frailness that very few who have actually found it, have been able to sustain it! And the worst of the feathers often strike when you’re at the peak of the goddamn thing!!!

Sometimes I feel, we should quit when we reach the heights… in a relationship! This way, everythin’ still fine and at least you‘ll have somethin’ to fall back on – memoirs!

Few good ones...

Chapter 1 - The Ram Household

As much surprising as it may so appear to be, it is but a fact, that the time in a human being’s life span is jus’ not sufficient enough to realize his dreams. 

Well sometimes, this Universe gives you more than you deserve, and as always, you are left, disgruntled, still yearning for more! 

A very good and a beloved friend of mine once narrated me few chronicles from his upbringing, telling me stories about how he spent the formative years of his life growin’ up in a lower-middle class family, stayin’ in a two-room rented house that graciously accommodated his forever sloggin’ parents along with his younger sibling and livin’ in a neighborhood that always had a dearth of electricity! And while listening to him I realized that all of us have a history, one that might not be too great or worth remembering, but at the same time, it might not be worth parting with either. For a better understanding, we’ll refer to my friend, henceforth, as lil’ Ram. But why Ram? That is primarily because our English teachers have imbibed in us that whatever happens in the English grammer, there is only one person who does it, and mind you, there are no points for guessing his name! That’s correct, his name is Ram!

Ram goes to school, Ram eats an apple, Ram stole his friend’s pencil, so on and so forth. It is like that poor kid is one hell of a do-er, doing all kinds of stuff that the teacher wants him to and simultaneously, he also ends up being a guinea pig for all his wrong doings. (Damn, my GMAT English is getting up close and personal!) I presume poor Ram would have had only one thought before the start of each day of his life –“Why Me?” Well, if my teacher couldn’t be less inconsiderate, neither would I!

It all started with the good times. Ram had a dedicated mother, jugglin’ her job, house and kids at the same time and tryin’ to strike a balance somewhere with Ram’s doting father who spent most of his time working and tryin’ to fill the needs with results. Ram narrated me how his parents bought their first air conditioner, their first video cassette recorder and their first car, a used-for-eight-years Fiat that was their prized possession!

In between all the hardships, turmoil and struggle, nevertheless, Ram insisted that he had wonderful childhood memories, those that he would wish to re-live if given a chance.

What a loser he is, I thought. Who would want to live the days when there were no computers, no plasma televisions and above all, no cell phones! What a dingbat!

Back then, the very few wishes that Ram and his family had, were restricted to the fulfillment of  their nascent luxuries that are now, bare necessities for us. A four-burner gas range, for E.g. was somethin’ that his mother had worshipped since ages, before they finally arranged the funds to buy one. However, the present circumstances make it improbable for any homemaker to stir up a meal in the absence of a mixer-grinder, a microwave oven, a sandwich grill, a non stick pan, a pressure pan, etc, to name but a few. Imagine what my good ol’ granny would have done, if she was gifted with an electric chimney during her times when black carbon monoxide laced charcoal smoke prevailed in the kitchen and LPG had not taken birth still.

Now suddenly, Ram’s mother appeared to be lucky to own that four-burner gas range. Is it not?  At least there was no carbon monoxide to asphyxiate her and I guess, she could do well even without an electric chimney! And according to Ram, she was indeed the best cook in the world. But then, isn’t everybody else’s mother too???

Being a Chef I know what cooking is! And I am told by a fellow colleague that every South Indian son would swear by his life, that his mother makes the best Sambhar on the planet! For the blissfully ignorant, Sambhar is a spicy lentil preparation from the South of India and is one of the most graceful accompaniments to almost everything that is a part of a good South Indian meal. I would agree with my colleague. Okay, I do not dispute it, at all, in fact I second that! I might not be from the South but I can promise that my mother makes the Sambhar that I think is still the best that anyone can make in the entire Milky Way or the Andromeda, or whatever you choose…!!!

For Ram, the best part of the day was the dinner time. But, Ram’s family did not have a dining table. For them their one and only bed was really very diverse in its uses and applications. Ram claims it was easy, the family used to sit on their bed and have dinner that was spread sumptuously on sheets of old newspapers and together watch the small television that was the size of the computer monitors we use today.

My Childhood was not strikingly simmilar to that of Ram's but I can bet that it must have been hectic for that poor lady, I mean Ram’s mom.

Gettin’ up early morning, sending kids to school, going for work herself, preparing breakfast for the family, packing brunches for kids, arranging for their lunch and finally after coming back from work, getting on with the family dinner… phew! And this does not include the chores that form the basis of running any household, big or small. No wonder the boy calls her the best! Oh come on, I said, instead of killing that woman from morning till night, you guys should have used a lil’ help from somewhere. But I never got an explanation for this and I guess it was too complex. The finances, the time management, the lack of maturity, the circumstances, so on and so forth. There were loads of factors that ruled the convolutions in the Ram household.

And I guess what they asked then as their wishes would have been good for them, had they been fulfilled. Today Ram comes in a Mercedes S-Class and boasts of owning 4-5 outlets that collectively earn enough to support hundreds of Ram households of the past. Yesterday, Ram bought an electronic surveillance system to guard his house during the nights and just last month, he gifted his father, a sleek four-wheel exported from the States and bought his mother world class diamond crystals from Italy.

He lives in a palatial bungalow that has a big lawn in the front and enough space to park his five cars. The Ram household has two cooks, three fulltime assistants, one gardener and one driver. Their Kitchen is equipped with Hobart machinery that cuts, slices, chops, processes and even cooks the food at the touch of a button, that in turn is operated by a hired domestic help who is as if employed only to push the buttons! A technician, present round the clock, takes care of the cooling plants and all the gadgetry in the Ram household.

Today Ram has no wishes left to be fulfilled. All he wants to do is to mint enough… okay wait! One second, did we use the word “wants”???

I arrest my case!